then the memory came

She rode on his shoulder as he walked down the silent street. The trees grew in neat rows on either side of the lane, evenly spaced between the concrete driveways. The morning dew glistened as she attentively peered around at the strange buildings behind them.

“Where did the boat go Uncle?”                 She asked a small voice from where she clutched his jacket.

“I folded it up and put in my pocket.” Her uncle said.

She, the child looked into his gray eyes, saw the truth in there and nodded accepting the explanation while her small hands gripping the collar tightly.

“Where are we going Uncle?” she asked as he slowed his pace and looked back over his shoulder as the street faded into the morning mists.

“We are going to your new home, love.” Uncle said.

“Will mother be there?”

“No, my love, your mother will not be there.”

She began to weep.

“Momma… Momma…”

He let her cry.

A song tugged at the corners of her mind but would not come.

She looked across the den at her adoptive parents. She knew now that the man she had called Uncle had given her to these people to raise as their own child. Uncle had trusted them to do this. She found that she only felt love for them, knowing that even now that they would not remember him. That he had given them memories that would fit into their concept of the world and how they would see it. It no longer mattered that they were not her real parents- birth parents.

“I knew him then only as Uncle, but he calls himself Quest. When I was four he placed me for adoption after my mother had died.” Even as she said it she knew it was true.

Together, her adoptive parents- no her mother and father sat in complete silence. She smiled at them as things became clearer for her, a weight lifted.

“I am not angry, well not any longer, the memories of before must have been blocked, I guess I was angry that I could not remember the time before you adopted me. You both have been very good to me, I have felt loved all the days of my life with you- I will always love you as my mom and dad.”

“What does this mean, Vanessa?” her mother asked, an edge of fear creeping into her voice. “What does he want of you?”

Vanessa sat back to ask herself the same question. What did it mean?  Are you ready?

That was the question that he had asked from the street. Am I ready for what? The answer was then obvious to her and filled her with a sweet sorrow and anticipation of what would be coming next. Quest had wanted what she had always wanted, even when she did not know or rather remember what she had always wanted. She wanted to go home.

                “I will be leaving soon.” She said, looking at her hands before glancing up to look at them.

                “Leaving.” Her father said, shaking his head, knowing it was the truth but refusing to accept it.

                “Yes.”

                “Why do you say that- how do you know that is what you must do?”

                “I just do, Dad, it is something that I have always wanted even when I did not remember why.”

                “How can you know that? You just said that you did not remember this man, Quest- what kind of name is that anyway?”

                “It is his name. I cannot explain how I know but I do.”

                “So you are going to turn your back on all that you have known and go- god only knows where based on the word of a man you barely know with a strange name.”

                “I know that I am going, that I must go, that I have to try or I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

                “You are coming back?” her mother asked “I mean you aren’t leaving permanently are you?”

                “I think that where I must go is farther away than a phone call can even reach.”

                Her father whistled.  Her mother nodded as if she understood but looked like she was going to began to cry again.

                “Mom. I am not leaving yet. I will be here for a while longer. This is something that will eventually happen, not this week or this month even but eventually- okay?”

                Her mother nodded, then sniffled then came over and hugged her for a long time. After that, there was not much else to say, so Vanessa took her leave of her mother. Her father walked her to the front door, he reminded her then of Hayden Fox when he acted in the old TV series, Coach. She smiled up at him and hugged him hard. He returned the embrace for a long time.

                “You may not be my flesh and blood, Vanessa, but you have always been my daughter. No matter what happens next, whatever comes next, you always will be.”

                “Dad, I wish I knew what to say.”

                “Are you sure about this leaving thing?”

                “No. Yes, no- I don’t know, sometimes it all seems so clear that I can put my finger on it.” She said leaning against the door jamb, “Then it is like a song I am sure that I know until I am singing along with it only to realize that while I know the tune I have forgotten the right words.”

                He nodded as this made sense to him too. Neither of them could remember the words to songs, when her father had taken her places, he would play a cassette or listen to the radio, when a song they both knew came on the radio, he would start singing along with it, only he would sing it to her. It took a few years before she realized that the words he sang, the words she would later sing were not the actual lyrics to that song. Her father had gotten very good at making up his own lyrics when he could not remember the original ones.

“I guess I am going to have to make up the words like my father taught me too.”

“Oh Van.” Her father said the smile coming onto her face for the first time in a long time. “Just make sure that you remember us where ever you end up.”

“I will dad. I know that I will be going back with Uncle when he goes, I think that it will be a long time before I can come back if ever.”

“How can there be someplace on this earth that you can go where a phone call cannot be made to let us know you are alright…or a postcard?”

“I don’t know but my heart says that this much is true.”

“Well if your heart says this much is true, then it must be.”

“Goodnight, Dad, I love you.”

“Goodnight, girl, don’t you leave without saying goodbye first.”

“Oh Dad.”